Reclaiming the Sacredness of Self-Pleasure

Sex and Scared are not two words you often see together. Actually they are often seen as polar opposites. But what if I told you that sex, sexuality, as well as sexual pleasure are a part of the embodiment of a holy life. Just as much as we were created to be in community with the Divine, we were also crafted for pleasure. It is in our anatomy, our psyche, and our soul. God created us to orgasm!. And what if, instead of seeing self-pleasure as something dirty or sinful, we understood it as holy, healing, and deeply sacred?

Now I know I have outraged my super religious folks and they have already stopped reading and condemned me to hell. But for those of you who are still with me, let the REAL conversation begin!

For centuries, the topics of  sex and masturbation have been burdened with taboo, guilt, and shame—especially in religious and spiritual contexts. I am still haunted and tickled by the fact that my parents, both of whom would not miss a Sunday in worship, have yet to tell me about sex. Mind you, I'm in my mid forties and on my second marriage. For most church folk sex is a secret and masturbation is to never, ever be acknowledged. 

However, what doesn't make sense to me is this: In many spiritual traditions, the human body is seen as a temple. So if we truly believe that, then caring for and honoring that temple includes every part of it—our emotions, our minds, and yes, our sexual selves.

Masturbation, in this context, becomes an act of reverence, not rebellion. It’s not about shame or lust—it’s about connecting with your own energy, your own body, and your own capacity for love and joy. And it is a part of tending to your sacred temple. 

Now I know we all know (or at least think they know) what sex is. But just to be clear, masturbation is the act of stimulating one’s own body for pleasure. It may or may not end in an orgasm but that's another story. It's a behavior observed not only in humans but also in many animals, suggesting it has deep evolutionary roots. See, all of God’s creation knows innately that pleasure is natural and needed.

Many people carry guilt around self-pleasure because we were taught it's selfish or sinful. Or that to engage would be to turn ourselves over to our own lusts which would not be Godlike. But what if pleasure is a divine gift? Something not to be feared, but honored? Think about it. 

Pleasure grounds us in the present. It brings us back to our bodies. It teaches us to listen, to feel, and to let go. It connects us with the spirit of joy and peace divinely placed within us. It helps to lower stress and tension which cause harm to our minds and bodies. And furthermore, it gives us a moment to pause in the gratitude of the workings of our own bodies. And dammit if you don't yell “ Oh GOD” “Yes Lord” or “Jesus” when it goes exceptionally well. So, if we can find holiness in music, in art, in nature—why not in the pleasure we give ourselves? And when done with mindfulness and respect, masturbation can be a profound act of self-love. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. It says:

“I am worthy of joy. I am worthy of care. I do not need to seek outside validation to experience my own fullness.”

In a world that often teaches us to outsource or devalue our own worth, that’s a radical—and holy—act.

So happy May to you all. And Happy Masturbation Month! Now go do what you were created to do…